My depression and anxiety got 100% cured with P3Y

As a little girl when I had no idea about the mind and what does a mental illness feel like, I used to hear Monga Ji say that depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc. are incurable diseases and that medical science has no cure for them. These were just statements that I always remembered but did not know the enormity of these mental illnesses and how helpless does one feel in the world when this dooms over them.

I did not have a religious upbringing. I did not have a God to complain to or to hold my hand. I never believed in anything. In Aug 2000, my parents came in contact with Monga Ji and started doing P3y. I was 11 years old then. It took me some time to learn to do it properly and then I found my lifeline, my best friend, Paramji. I saw miracles happen at that very early age. I studied Science and believed in Science but at the same time, I could not ignore the miracles I experienced with P3y. It was troubling but I believed in P3y more with every wish that was fulfilled and with every experience that was surreal. I never shared with my friends because I knew my experiences would be hard to believe. I was the happiest and the most content girl then.

The onset of my problems

Unfortunately, we disconnected from Monga Ji in 2006. In this time, I continued to reap numerous benefits from P3y but something was amiss. It was not like the years 2000-2006. I felt distant as if my close connection to P3y was cut, if I may say so. Years later, after I got married, I started experiencing acute stress. Every fibre of my being started to deteriorate. I used to have such beautiful skin with a glow but this time, I started developing horrible acne; it was so ugly! My hair started falling. I would eat well and exercise but I could not stop my weight gain without a fad diet. This diet would make me even unhappier because I love food! I started worrying a lot, could not switch off the flow of thoughts in my head at all, felt lonely, helpless and angry all the time. I lost the energy to do anything at all. I was always tired. Then I moved to Amsterdam in 2018 and started getting anxiety attacks. My anxiety reached its peak. I got up in the morning feeling scared as if something really bad was going to happen and I spent all my days feeling scared. I was not a happy person anymore. I developed an extreme inferiority complex, and anyone could easily bully me. I did not have the will to live. I was struggling without an end to this misery in sight. It was the WORST period of my life. My relationships got affected because of this and I feared losing my closest people. I was in Europe, living a dream life, going on dream vacations, had a good job where I was doing more than well but I was scared and sad. I could cry on cue then. I would ask- Paramji, why do you not listen to me anymore?

I tried everything there is, except medication

At a point, I started developing suicidal thoughts and one day, my thought process scared me so I called the suicide helpline. They asked me to see my doctor. I had not registered at a clinic at all until then but I decided it is time to go. I asked the doctor whether I am also in depression or is this just an anxiety disorder. He said that it looks like only anxiety and so he sent me away, asking me to step out more and to journal my thoughts. That did not help much, only a little. I started educating myself about anxiety by doing my research. I stopped drinking caffeine (tea, coffee) and made some positive lifestyle changes. This helped manage my symptoms for a while but later, my anxiety started increasing again. 

I found out about psilocybin, a psychedelic compound that is found in magic mushrooms. I heard from people's first-hand experiences and read a lot about how its single consumption can do wonders for those suffering from anxiety and/or depression. I mustered the guts to take it eventually. What happened then, and I will stick to what is relevant to my story here, is that I started seeing the ground breathe. It was moving up and down in a rhythm. So did the walls. After about 9-10 hours, when the drug started weaning off, I felt so happy in that moment that I thought to myself- "I wish I could feel this happy without this drug or any drug at all. That would be so nice!"

Next morning, my anxiety reduced drastically! I was elated but again this lasted for about 5-6 months. Around this period, I also started feeling something different and to be sure, I went to another doctor. When I told him about my symptoms, he immediately referred me to a psychologist (therapist) as he felt that I was also suffering from depression. My therapy of 8 sessions started soon after in September 2020. It was cognitive behavioural therapy where they ask you to force yourself to get out of bed and maintain a routine and also teach you ways to challenge negative thoughts. It is a process of training your mind to think positive. It helped with my newly found depression to some extent. I stopped having depressive episodes but my inferiority complex, my social anxiety, my separation anxiety was still there. My general anxiety started getting worse towards the end of the therapy and I would always feel this pressure in my chest which was very uncomfortable. At this point, I had tried everything except anti-anxiety pills and anti-depressants.

I will stop with the description of the harrowing 4 years of my life, the pain of which I suffered all by myself, pretending to be normal to others around me. I never felt more lonely and misunderstood.

The miracle of my life happened

Now what I am going to tell you might not be easy to digest. You might not believe a word but then you do not have to. It is my personal experience and people who know me cannot deny the timing and truth of what they saw happening to me. So here goes-

It was after 14 years of disconnect from Monga Ji, that I called Him one day. This was because one of my biggest fears came to life and my anxiety shot up and the depression relapsed. I felt like this time I might not survive. I woke up at 3:30 am my time (CET) to call Him as He only received phone calls between 8-9:30 am IST those days.

This was on 12 Jan 2021 and I was transported to the clouds when I heard His voice. I told Him about my situation with depression and anxiety. I also additionally complained that the Sun simply just does not show up where I live, which worsens my anxiety. After the phone call, I went back to sleep and when I got up, I still felt like I was walking on the clouds. I felt zero anxiety and zero depression in me. A lot of simple daily things would previously trigger my anxiety but I was calm and happy all day that day! I was even happier and still anxiety-free and depression-free the next day. Today it feels like I never even had these issues. 

Not just this. That same day on 12 Jan, The Sun showed up. Such clear blue skies and the Sun stayed out! This is not typical Amsterdam weather. It was a unique day! 

Not just this. I also had my last therapy (evaluation) session for depression on that day. While I was sitting with the therapist, it suddenly started hailing. As I went out, it stopped and the Sun was out again!

Not just this. While I was sitting in the waiting room at the therapist's, I saw that the ground started moving. I closed and opened my eyes multiple times so that the ground could look normal but it continued moving. I rubbed my eyes but it did not stop and I thought- "This is just like that mushroom experience." Yes, I was eventually that happy without being on a drug!

And that is the magic of P3y. 

I feel like I am the same happy and confident girl today that I used to be in that period of 2000-2006.

I will always be indebted, Monga Ji. What would I do without You!